Tri Training Update - 3 weeks to go! Hello Stress!

I hate the saying 'I'm stressed out' because it seems so cliche. For the most part I feel like I handle stress pretty well. As long as I work out daily I seem to be able to keep things in perspective and go with the flow. I work in an industry where change is constant and this year has been a doozy. In January my company had a 'Reduction in Force' and 59 of my co-workers here in Charlotte were let go. My boss was fired in February, I picked up three new job responsibilities and got a new boss. Then last week THAT boss was fired and I have another new boss. The new guy seems OK. He has a decent, dry sense of humor that I like and so far our interactions have been positive, though I am pretty sure that in a few months I will not be doing the job I am doing now.

I will admit, I walked out of my first meeting with the new guy more freaked out than I think I ever have been. I went to Shelia's office, shut the door and cried. But I am a good problem solver and by the time I made it back down to my office I had a plan and a list of things I can do; even joked about launching a "Save the Mann" campaign with co-workers.

On Saturday morning I got up and felt a slight twinge in my back. I tried stretching to no avail. My face also decided to break out in a nasty way and coupled with the braces I felt positively ugly. I knew a workout would help so I ignored the pain and got in the car to drive to a class. I couldn't even make it into the gym; my back was spasming and would not let me do anything. I have a great relationship with my chiropractor so I was able to get right in to see him on Saturday morning. I couldn't remember doing anything specific that threw my back out of whack so he asked me if I was stressed. I laughed. I guess I am.

I don't know why it bothers me so much to say, 'YES I am stressed'. My job in up in the air, Joe and I are in a transition phase of our marriage, I have the triathlon that I am training for, my friendships are in flux, I am concerned about money, have gained 30 pounds and while generally happy, I have a lot of changes happening in and around me. I feel like it is weak to say I am stressed, or to admit that things are bothering me. My body had other ideas though.

I spent the entire weekend, on the couch. It was beautiful, sunny and not too hot and I longed for a decent bike ride but since I couldn't stand straight, a tv-athon was all my day held. Monday I went into work. I wanted to call in sick, but it was the new guy's second day on the job and I didn't want to be "that girl". By 3PM I could hardly move. I left early and called in sick on Tuesday. I ended up working from home but it was much better to not be locked into a chair all day long. By Wednesday morning I was feeling much better and berating myself for not calling in sick on Monday.

I am a firm believer that the body communicates with you if you listen. I try to be in tune to what my body is telling me to make sure we get along well. But the past few weeks I have ignored the many signs it has been giving me because I didn't want to admit I couldn't handle it. Dear Body, I am so sorry.

I took all last week and even Labor Day weekend off and I feel better now than I have in a bit. All of those things that were stressing me out are still there but I think a few days of down time, mentally and physically, made all the difference. I have a couple different options as far as a job goes and I am more curious than anything about how work is going to pan out. I am going to get back on the bike tomorrow and do the Booty Loop. Taking just a few days to get some perspective was exactly what I needed, shame on me for not listening to myself sooner. This morning when the alarm went off I felt rested and excited to get a work out in. I drove to the gym with the windows down and the radio blaring my current favorite song "She's Got You High" by Mumm-Ra and felt happy. I walked 3 miles and then swam for 30 minutes. My back feels good and it felt right to get active again.

I still hate saying "I am stressed" and want to be seen as a strong person who can make it through anything. Change, smange. I guess to be that strong person I need to admit that sometimes I'm not that strong and somewhere in there, I get the strength to carry on; the peace I need to have the right attitude. I have been so concerned about training for this triathlon that I think I forgot the process of it, the pleasure in taking each step slowly and growing steadily. When I look back at my first training session, I could hardly do 6 miles on the bike and you couldn't have paid me enough to run afterwards. Now I am sure I can finish, just wondering about time and thinking about next year and possibly a longer triathlon.

Instead of worrying that I set my training back I am going to praise myself for taking a week off when I needed it; for nursing my body by listening when it called for sleep, sleep and more sleep; and nurturing my soul by enjoying a lazy weekend with Joe, full of hand holding and nuzzling and just being ourselves together. I've got three weeks to go til the triathlon and hopefully will still have a job, but no matter what, I'll be OK. Bring on the stress - I can handle it!