The Story That Started It All

I have always been a diary keeper but the past several years my diary has become a datebook of who went where with whom. My friend Shelia wrote an amazing book called Dumbing Down of Love (buy it when it is published...you will love it), launched a web page and asked people to contribute stories. Most of the people I know were going through a hard time and the web page started to take a "down on love" tone. So I wrote a story for her site.

I loved doing it and remembered how much I enjoyed writing, how easily it came to me and how therapeutic it is. That was in January and it has taken me 6 months to listen to my soul screaming for a creative outlet and launch this blog. Better late than never I suppose. In case you are interested, here is the story that started it all:

“Really?”
“Really.”
A large smile spread over his face and he reached over to tickle me in the way that only he knows; half annoying, half tickling. I don’t know why, but after 16 years of being together, I am still surprised that we don’t know every single thing about each other. Whenever a new fact or a new memory is shared, I am reminded that we are still learning about each other.

We have grown up together. We met when we were 18 and have been together ever since. Next year I will know him longer than I haven’t…more than half my life. Right now many of my closest friends are struggling with romance. I have a friend whose heart has been trampled more times than she can count. Another friend is losing her fight with bitterness towards all men because of the actions of a few. One of my oldest friends is losing herself because her marriage is sucking the life out of her. So I am here to put in a good word for love.

I love being in love. I know that I am extremely lucky and I know that many people spend their whole lives looking for what I have. I fell into it. I was not looking for it and neither was he. In fact, he never thought that he would marry anyone and I hadn’t dated anyone for longer than 5 months. I remember telling my mom that I liked him, but I couldn’t say why. Our first date was comical and magical and still makes me smile all these years later. We went to school in the mountains so for our first date, he suggested we go hiking in the mountains. We set off around 2AM and hiked off the viaduct in Linville, NC. We found a perfect spot under the bridge and settled in to watch the sunrise. As we snuggled up together, he shifted and I abruptly asked him not to ruin the moment and feel me up. Turns out, that was not what he was planning and it was I that ruined the moment! How typical of me to ruin the moment with my bluntness and how typical of him to love me in spite of it.

I have stories and stories of our silliness, the laughter and some hard times thrown in there too. Most of it would be a boring read, but to me they are treasured moments with my best friend.
I think so many people think of love as the best moments of a roller coaster; they look for that time where you are screaming with delight. While I have those moments, I describe love as a bit more commonplace. To me, love is knowing what side of the bed he sleeps on, knowing how my body fits against his, knowing what kind of drink he likes and knowing his favorite brand of undershirts and socks. I like the routine of love; knowing he will make dinner and I will clean up; that we take turns cleaning up the cat vomit and that he will scratch my back in the center where I can’t reach. I cherish the times where I have woken up, my hair drenched in my own sleep drool and he kisses me on the forehead and tells me I am adorable. He can still make my stomach do a flip flop when I hear the excitement in his voice when he hears it is me calling him on the phone. The best part of any day is when we finally turn the light off and assume our sleeping positions. The first year we lived together we slept in a twin bed so we learned how to sleep together in tight “spoon” formation and it is a habit we haven’t broken. We graduated to a full bed, but we still spend the night snuggled up and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Relationships are work and anyone who thinks otherwise is just stupid. You have to keep talking and laughing and you have to be committed to working through things as partners. Being in love is wonderful though and it makes me sad that there are so many people in my life that don’t have what I have. It is an amazing feeling to have a haven where I can be me. I can’t imagine my life without him. I hope I never have to.