The Next Big Thing I Can't Explain

My next race, The NationsTri, is this Sunday. That's 4 days, 14 hours and 16 minutes if you are keeping track. I'm nervous, excited, worried, in disbelief, not packed and yet ready, but not prepared. Yes, that is a tad bit schizophrenic, but that's how I feel. This race is an Olympic, or International distance triathlon, which is a 1500 meter swim (basically a mile), a 24 mile bike ride and a 6.2 mile run. I know I can do each leg easily; it's the putting them all together that I am worried about. But with 4 days away, I know there is nothing I can do right now to make myself better. Tapering has begun.

So with one race almost over, I look forward to the next one. My plan has been to do a marathon next year but my brother's wedding is scheduled for the weekend I had in mind. So change of plans to a half iron man. A half is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike ride and a 13.1 mile run. As with many endurance events, the training is the hard part. The race is one day; the training is 4 months, four or five times a week, over and over again. I was talking with Joe about doing the half because with training that intense, it really affects him too, even if he never takes a step with me. He is reluctantly supportive of me and said "Well let's see how this one goes."

Hmmmmm, no. I can't explain this to him, or really anyone, but it doesn't matter how I do this weekend. I'm still going to want to do a half and then a full ironman. I don't know why I am compelled to compete in something there is not even the slightest chance I will win, but I am. I love the training. Even though I tend to forget how far I've come, on the days I remember, I am absolutely brought to tears with my progress. There is a part of my 6 mile loop that I have had to walk. It's a long, steady hill and in the beginning I could not run it without puking, so I just started walking it. Three weeks ago, I ran the entire stretch, at a faster pace than usual. When I made it to the top of the hill I felt elated. It wasn't about the medal. Only Cindy and Doreen saw me do it, but it was one of the best days I have had in a long time. Not run - days. That morning run made the whole day seem perfect. Little stuff that usually would annoy me didn't. I was utterly happy. On a recent bike ride Joe and I overtook a group of 5 bikers. Sure it was on a downhill, but we were easily doing 25-28 mph and they were probably doing 12. It was so much fun and the highlight of the ride for me.

I am not good at triathlons. I'm decidedly average, a little below truth be told. I am mediocre at best. Trust me, I am a competitive person (play Uno with me once and you will know I am telling the truth) but doing triathlons isn't about that. It's about growing and challenging and doing something I never thought I could do. When I first heard about Ironmans, I had to look it up online and then had to check and recheck it all happened on the same day. (It does.) It's insane. For me a full will be 15 hours of constant motion. My perfect day is in jammies on the couch. But for some reason, I want to do a full ironman.

So this race coming up will be the next step. Hopefully the weather cooperates, the swim isn't too cold, the bike is flat and the run isn't windy. Hopefully I have fun and Joe doesn't hurt himself. But even if the swim is cancelled due to flood warnings, the bike is shortened due to bad weather and my run turns into a walk, I am still going to do a half ironman in 2012 and a full sometime before my 40th birthday. But I guess that is the thing about passion; it doesn't have to make sense to anyone else but me.