Well....It's Been A Bit

Lake Como, Italy, 2023

Wow, it's been a long time since I blogged and boy do I have a lot of updates.  I have been going back and forth about if I even wanted to publicly write again.  It seems like I was so much more public 10 years ago. But I recently was sent the link to this blog by my egglet-Daughter (I told you I had a lot of updates!) and it has honestly been so much fun to go back and read these blog posts. There were so many things I had forgotten about and it was comforting to see how many things hadn't changed but then how much had, but all in such a fantastically positive way.  So I am going to start blogging again, more for future me.  I am turning 50 this week and feel so grateful for my life.  Looking back each birthday has been better and better so I cannot wait to look back at 60 and see where I am then!  

OK so the updates - I REALLY need to update my cast of characters on the side!  The biggest introduction in my life is my two Egglets, Katelyn and McKenna.  I have written in this blog about donating my eggs and that I didn't feel the need to connect with them as I was not their mom, just their genetic mother.   A friend of mine who gave up a child for adoption connected with her child after the child reached out to her and while I initially thought I wasn't going to do anything, the more I thought about it decided that if the children were looking for me I would make it easy to be found.  I did 23andme and ancestry.com DNA tests and shared my results meaning they were public for anyone to find matches.  That was in 2016.  Then I waited and really didn't think anything of it.  I joined the Donor Sibling Registry for Miller so we can track siblings of his but since I don't have any information on my donor number (I think I donated before it was as organized as it is now) didn't think it would ever show anything for me. I had read a bunch of books about donor conceived kids and I was pretty sure that if they ever reached out I would say "nice to meet you, you have my nose/eyes/fill in the blank, now go back to your family."  That was the plan. 

January 23, 2021 I got an email through 23andme from a girl saying she had matched with me and wondering if it was a mistake. I replied that it was possible, the timing fit and she could ask me anything she wanted but she should talk to her mom.  She replied both her parents were dead, she and her sister had no idea they were donor conceived and they were in shock.  We moved to a group text and that day was a whirlwind of questions and picture exchanges.  McKenna looks so much like me, SO much like my mom there was no questioning the 50% match that 23andme said.  We met in person 3 weeks later and it was the easiest, most comfortable thing ever.  The whole nature vs nurture thing is amazing.  We all have so much in common it really is hard to deny the impact DNA makes.  

Me, McKenna and Katelyn

The last 3 years have been truly the most amazing, fulfilling, frustrating years of my life.  I never thought I would have a relationship with my bio-kids, my egglets, but the fact that they have no family changed everything for me. Just like my parents always quoted "what family doesn't have its ups and downs" and we have had a bit of it all as we navigate all the emotions that come with this.  There truly is no play book for our situation so we are all doing the best we can and making it up as we go.  That has had different degrees of success for each of us, but I think all of us want it to work, we want each of us in our lives because when it comes down to it we are family.  

I wish more than anything my dad could have met them.  I know he would have loved them and spoiled them and just been over the moon about the whole thing. They absolutely have his sense of humor.  My mom's had a rougher time with it and I think I pushed her too hard in the beginning to feel what I did.  For me as soon as they said they had no one it was like a switch flipped and this was my life now - it was just that black and white that if they wanted me in their lives, I was there.  But it was harder for her and she couldn't understand how it was that easy for me and I couldn't understand how it wasn't that easy for her.  I am trying to just let things settle into what they naturally will become and not force it.  Will see how that works out. 

Pacey is still here, the evil bird she is.  One of the more amazing things about the egglets is how easily Pacey went to both of them.  After 20 years of not letting anyone but me hold her, she loves the girls.  Amazing.  

Jackson

I also now have a pup named Jackson Emmet.  He is 4 and just truly in love with me.  I work from home and he is attached to me every second of the day. He is a snuggle bug and it's been great to be a dog mom.  

My friend Mike that I went camping and to Sweden with and had made a few appearances in this blog is still in my life too.  My "manpanion", we have lived together for the last 7 years and have made several trips to Europe since that first. It was his dog Vedder that turned me into a dog lover and I can't imagine any otherway.  

I am still a vegetarian, 11 years later.  It's just been so easy and my body really likes it.  I was able to stop taking iron pills and most of the supplements I was on when I was eating meat.  My health vitals are all way improved and I still don't crave meat.  Lucky for me Mike is a fantastic cook and we are able to eat super clean with him growing herbs, making all our breads, pasta, his own sauces and most everything we eat from scratch.  

Cindy and Me at a recent 5K

I haven't run seriously in awhile.  Cindy and I did for a bit but she moved about an hour away so our 5AM runs were impossible to keep up.  And I cannot do it alone.  I do walk 3-5 miles every day it doesn’t rain so at least try to stay active.  I rode a good bit last year and have my bike ready to go but right as the season was ramping up three of my friends were in bad wrecks that required overnight hospital stays and it has me freaked out.  Cindy and I used to ride in the morning on Sundays with little traffic, this group rides at rush hour and I just worry that people aren't paying attention.  Mike and I have talked about riding on the greenways more so we might try that in the next few weekends.  Til then walking it is.  

Alaska

I still travel....a lot.  I set a goal to visit all 50 states by the time I was 50 and I hit that goal last September.  Alaska was my last state but I am so glad I hit all 50. I was continually amazed at how each state had something wonderful and unique and beautiful. And each time I travel I am reminded at how kind strangers can be and how similar we all are.   I truly loved Alaska and am going back this year, way more north and in the dead of winter.  I was surprised by New Mexico and had such a fun weekend in Idaho.  Mike and I went to North Dakota in December and I realized that I love an off season, even though I was disappointed in Deadwood finally seeing it after being obsessed with the show for years.  I am lucky to be able to travel for work and was just in Pittsburgh where I got to see my Uncle John (my dad's brother) and my cousin Brian and his kids.  I have work trips to San Francisco, Denver, Salt Lake City, Cincinnati and Hartford planned.  Also taking the girls to Bar Harbor, Maine this summer.  Excited to go whale watching and be there in the summer. It's been years since I was in Maine and am looking forward to sharing that with them.  

Mom and Me in Athens

I also started taking my mom on trips.  Our first was to Gdansk, Poland right before Christmas.  We went to Greece last year and this year we are heading on a cruise to Scotland and Ireland. I am excited to see Ireland again and I am going to do the Belfast Black Cab Troubles tour I didn't get to do last time I was there.  I am so glad to have the time with her as her memory is fading quickly.  I wish I had traveled with my dad so am making sure I make the most of my time with my mom,   

Mike and Me in Jackson
where we spread my dad's ashes

It's hard to believe it has been 7 years since my dad died.  He's been on my mind a lot this week after being in Pittsburgh and then reading this blog and seeing the last post was right after he died.   I miss him like crazy and wish I could hug and talk with him.  My uncle gave me a video of family memories and I bought a VHS player to watch it and am planning on doing that in the next few days.  I know that is going to be bittersweet to see so many people who are no longer around.   Insert Heavy Sigh.   Mike and I went to Jackson this summer and I spread some of his ashes in Jackson Lake.  It just felt right to be there again, to spread his ashes in a place I know we all had so much fun together.  But wow I miss him.  

It has also been 12 years since Joe and I split.  I don't even remember the date anymore and can't really remember the person I was either. I have re-read some of my blog posts and they seem like a stranger wrote them.   I just feel so dramatically different, but more true to me than I have ever felt.  I have friends who are also divorced that miss their old life but while I am glad I was married and that I experienced that kind of love and was able to grow up inside the safety of a relationship, I am so grateful for the divorce.   I think of so many things in my life that I have experienced over the last 12 years that I never would have if I was still married.  From places I've traveled, to professional growth, to friendships and especially my relationship with the girls, I know that those things would not have happened if I was still married.  Being on my own allowed me to grow in ways I never expected and allowed me to really isolate what I wanted to do and then to do it.

I am still surrounded by a group of super close friends that I love and consider family.  There are a handful of people I don't go three hours without chatting with.  And there are others I go months without talking to but when we meet up it is like no time has passed.  I have friends I have known since I was 12 and have been through it all with me.  I have added new friends to my group and it has been invaluable to not feel so crazy as we talk about the wonderful stage of life we are in, the demands we are all facing and the similar attitudes we have.  It has been so refreshing to have a monthly dinner with women where we all catch up and vent and laugh and leave with hugs and "I love you." I have another group of friends nicknamed "The Fun People" where we all laugh and hug and kiss and say we love each other and it is honestly the best thing.  I leave our nights feeling so utterly happy and loved.  

So I'm about to be 50.  A co-worker whose birthday is the day before mine said she was having a hard time with this one.  All my life I have been told "just wait" when I say I love my birthday, yet here I am with another milestone one and just as thrilled.  And becuase it is a big one I am celebrating  a bit more than normal.  Starting this Friday, five of my girlfriends are going uptown Charlotte, staying at a swanky hotel, going to a rooftop bar then a "dining experience" then more bars.  Saturday Mike (who has the same birthday as me), Jackson and I are going to the beach for a few days.  Then next weekend I am heading to the mountains for a girls' weekend with Sandy, Erin (from Fight Club) and Stephanie (who got me my job and is the reason for so many things in my life).  Then the next weekend my group of girlfriends is throwing Cara and I a 50th birthday party starting with brunch, including a drag show and a very long day of drinking and laughs.  The next day I get to help Katelyn and Jake with their Enagagement pictures and then three days later I get to see my dear friend Sarah for the first time in years.  I still need to schedule something with The Fun People too.  When I type it all out I am truly giddy at all the love that I get to experience over the next 3 weeks.  How can you not love your birthday???!   

So life is good.  Really good.  I am fortunate.   I will try to update more and in the meantime I look forward to what the next 10 years have in store.