Turns Out I'm A Big Fraidy Cat.

So to refresh you on my half Ironman attempt for 2012, I had planned on doing the Beach to Battleship half in November in Wilmington, NC.  I know several people who have done it and are still alive. The swim is a point to point with the current, the bike is flat and fast and the run is flat.  It has been super cold the last few years which makes me happy.  I recruited Cindy to do the swim, Courtney to do the bike and Doreen to do the run portion with me. It was all working out perfectly....until I got the email from Set Up Events that they were moving the date to October 20. NOOOOOO!  I had already committed to Cindy that I would do the Columbus half marathon with her that weekend.  I feel so badly I could not be with her when she finished her marathon this year, I really want to experience this race with her.  So not doing Columbus is not an option for me.

So I started looking for other 70.3 events.  I found a number that have cool themes but conflict with the MS ride.  Others were simply too far away to afford to do this coming year. I finally found one that is do-able: The REV3 Anderson 70.3 in Anderson, SC about 2 hours away from here.  Rev3 is a new events company that puts on triathlons that are very family and spectator friendly. Reviews online and from people I know are very favorable. The date is October 7 so it works being 2 weeks after MS ride and 2 weeks before Columbus. OK so I will do Anderson 70.3.

Then I looked at the course.  It's hilly; all of it - the bike and the run.  I looked at the elevation charts.  Yep, they are hilly.  Then I looked at the size - it's small which means that I might be last.  I started to freak out.  My freak out got worse. What if I can't do this? Why do I want to do this? Maybe I shouldn't do this. Maybe I should wait, knowing deep down waiting means I will never do it. 2012 is my year to do a 70.3. So I made an old fashioned Pros and Cons list.

Pros:

• Cheaper (entry and hotel fees)
• Joe can travel with me
• Timing works well with TIFL
• Nice perks
• Will feel more accomplished sine it isn’t an “easy” course
• Close means easier for my parents to come
• Close – means I can preview and even do a few training rides/run on actual course
• Smaller race means it won’t be so overwhelming for my first
• Very good reviews and freakishly passionate recommendations who have raced with Rev 3
• Hot Air balloon Theme
• Contact with them has been positive and encouraging
• On Facebook and twitter – lots of communication
• Race is on Sunday – means I don’t have to take a day off work
• Bike course has turns which means I won’t want to get an aero bike
• There is an Olympic distance if I really freak out

Cons

• Hilly which means harder bike and harder run
• Small means I could be last
• Small means mostly everyone will be faster than me
• It’s scary to do the distance alone, much less a hilly course
• Temperature may be in the 80s – running in heat sucks
• Swim is wave start, so relay option might not work out easily
• It’s not ideal and it’s not what I had planned or thought about 

So as I look at this I realize that most of my cons are fear based. What if I can't do it?  It's going to be hard. What if I can't do it? What am I thinking? I'm slow, I'm fat, I'm not talented at any of these three things in any way.  WHAT. IF. I. CAN'T. DO. IT? It hit me. I'm scared.

Thinking about doing it makes me want to cry.  Thinking about NOT doing it makes me want to cry. Reading about other people doing an Ironman makes me cry. HOLY CRAP I AM SO SCARED. I know I am going to do Anderson, there are just too many reasons why I should and not really any good ones not to do it. I'll just train. I can do it. I think. I don't know. I think I can do it. I don't know. Wow. I am so scared.