Half Mara-What?

It's October 4. My half marathon is November 28. I have done nothing. I am freaking out.

Ok I haven't really done "nothing." I've been helping Joe get ready for the MS 150 and we have been riding our bikes an average of 50 miles every weekend plus a few weekday rides. Until she had emergency gall bladder surgery in September, I was running with my Tri It pal Cindy a couple miles a few times a week. But since then...nothing.

Oh wait - there was something else I did. I put together this fantastically dorky training schedule which spread my training over 3 months; a slow and gradual increase in mileage for minimal injury. I laminated it and hung it on my fridge. Joe and I also did run a mile one morning.

I should have run yesterday, and Joe would have gone with me, but I wanted to lay on my couch. So I did. I got grumpy when I couldn't find anyone to agree to meet me this morning at the gym. I thought a bunch of feel-sorry-for-me things like "Why won't people help me do this?" "Why don't people rearrange their schedule for me?" "Why did I agree to do this?" "How did Sh!t My Dad Says premiere as the most watched new sitcom when it is so dreadfully horrible?"

I still set all my stuff out for me to go to the gym in the morning. I set my alarm and then hit snooze a time or dozen. But I got up (thanks mostly to Joe who also got up), got dressed and headed to the gym. The guy at the front desk didn't skip a beat. "Hi Amy - we've missed you." I laughed it off and trudged my way to the treadmills and started running. It actually wasn't that bad really; I guess all that biking did payoff with some stronger legs and better cardio. I was able to run for 30 minutes, a slow, sweaty 2 miles.

I'm still not a fan of running but I do appreciate that it allows me some steady thinking time. Today's subject on the brain was running and the half marathon. I put myself in this position of being behind in my training. I was supposed to do 6 miles on Sunday; I did only 2 miles today. My biggest fear is pushing myself too hard and hurting myself so badly that I cannot run or bike. I committed to this half marathon and actually, really do want to do well. Midway through today's run I realized something really important. I have got to stop looking for someone else to help me with this. I've got to be my own motivator and get up every morning and get a work out in. No one else can do this for me. No one. Joe has been great and I know he will run with me on the weekends but I can't/shouldn't count on him. This has got to be a me thing and in some ways, I think that is why I signed up for a half marathon. I wanted to know I could follow through with something that isn't easy for me. Well here it is getting hard. Test One and so far I have failed. But you know what? I still have time left, not a lot, but some. So I'll get up again tomorrow and run. And I'll get up on Wednesday and run and Thursday too. On Friday I'll take that Pilates class to give my muscles the proper stretch they deserve. I'll go on a long ride on Sunday and not worry because that is helping me, physically and emotionally because I enjoy the time with Joe. With every run I'll get stronger and faster and longer until November 28 comes, and hopefully I've done enough to cross the finish line feeling that I did my best. It sounds so elementary, but in the end, that is what matters the most. And that is all up to me.