Family...Know Your Roles!

I am not a huge fan of Christmas. I could go on and on about why, but basically I feel like there is too much emphasis on "stuff". One of my favorite Story People sums it up

"What do I get for this? I said & the angel gave me a catalog filled with toasters & clock radios & a basketball signed by Michael Jordan & I said, But this is just stuff & the angel smiled at me & swallowed me in her arms. I'm so glad you said that, she whispered to me. I knew you still had a chance."

This Christmas was very low key for me. I didn't decorate, didn't send cards and only got gifts for my family. It was a very nice, stress free time. We left a few days before Christmas to spend some time with Joe's family. To say the time was relaxing is an understatement. They were gracious enough to let us sleep late and take naps. All in all it was a nice, low key time.

We left on Christmas to spend time with my family in Port St. Lucie, Florida. We stopped off at a lovely bed and breakfast in Savannah where the owners Rocky and Jane made me feel like I was home from college. The house was gorgeous, they were fabulously nice and overall Joe and I ended Christmas night with lots of laughter, snuggled up in bed. Jane cooked us a huge breakfast the next morning and we were off.

I don't see my brother often. He is a golf pro and for the past 5 years he has been spending winters in Florida and summers in the mountains of NC. My vacations are usually traveling elsewhere so I have only seen him once or twice during the summers and I have never made it to Florida before this trip. I can go three or four months without speaking to him on the phone. Yet I would still consider us close which may seem odd to some.

Mike bought a house this year. He's 30 so this shouldn't seem odd to me, but yet it seems strange that my baby brother, that little boy in the picture above, bought a house. He's all grown up. We pulled in the driveway and Mike came out to greet us. The house is gorgeous; open floor plan and really cool archways and details throughout the house. I was so happy to see him enjoying the fruit of all his hard work; the home he shares with his girlfriend MaryBeth. My mom and dad were there and the 6 of us spent the next three days shopping, eating and laughing. We haven't been together in over a year but we all fell into our natural family roles, comfortable, familiar. I am the planner and the one that makes sure everyone is having a good time. My brother is the story teller and the comedian. My mom becomes the good natured mother, telling stories of us as kids and pretending to be shocked as we tell her our sides of those stories. My dad is the protector, taking it all in, filming or photographing the laughter. Joe and MaryBeth have their roles too; they are the crazy ones: we were born into the family, they chose it!

The last night we were there we all went to dinner in downtown Stuart. We ate too much and drank too much and our dinner discussion, like always, was filled with embarrassing topics that would make other families blush. We went back to Mike's house and while Joe watched football, Mike played his guitar and he and I came up with funny lyrics about my mom. My dad filmed the whole thing and I know we look ridiculous but it is a great memory already.

I should have gone to bed feeling happy but instead I felt sad. I am very aware of how lucky I am to be so close to my family. I understand that not everyone has the relationship I do with my mom or dad or brother. I honestly LIKE my family as people and would choose to hang out with them. This awareness makes me worry about change that I know will eventually happen. My parents are getting older. Mike is growing up. Over the next decade change is inevitable.

My friend Shelia has a saying from her favorite Jimmy Buffett song. I have heard her say it, even bought her a bracelet with it inscribed, but haven't really taken it to heart. After going to bed and thinking about how I was feeling quite sad after such a happy night I realized I needed to really think about the quote.

According to my watch, the time is now
The past is dead and gone
Don't try to shake it, just nod your head
Breathe in, breathe out, move on

I spend so much time worrying about how I am going to react when things change that I think that I do myself a great injustice by limiting the amount of pleasure I get out of how things are NOW.

I spent the last morning there talking alone with my brother. It is pretty neat to see him becoming a man and to hear him talk so assertively about mortgages and car loans and issues he is having at work. He is still worried about our feelings but is at that stage where he is choosing his path and independence. Things are going to change for him soon in a very positive way and my heart is warmed knowing he is happy and truly, that is what matters. I miss him dreadfully and wish we all lived closer but enjoy the time we have, even if it is only once a year.

So in this time of resolutions and toasting to a new year, I need to remember my role, the parts I play that are really important. I am a worrier and a planner but first and foremost I am a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend. These are the roles that matter the most and I need to focus on being my best. The time is NOW. Sure things are going to change, but until they actually do, there is a lot of good going on right this minute. I have a great family that frustrates the hell out of me, makes me laugh until I cry and loves me for every flaw and every feature I have. I in turn frustrate them, plan every minute of our time together and love them for every part of their beings. And really, when it comes down to it, that is what family is for. Our most important role in life is to love each other, and that, I know, we do.